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You're Getting Pretty Thin Girl

Welcome to my own personal food hell. Let me introduce myself. I go by both Ana and Mia, but these days Mia seems to fit me easier and easier.

Where did all this hell begin? I think it all started back when I was in elementary school. I had always been super skinny, my relatives thought there was something wrong with me, but I was never really hungry and when I did eat it was just enough to knock the hunger out and then out the door I would go to play some more. Jeez, wish it was that easy again. Well, as happens with most, my parents split up, I stayed with my dad, who turned out to be a major sadistic sons-a-bitch. I was emotionally and physically abused, I had no friends because I was a poor kid in a town where money ruled. I got called names at school, I was expected by -everyone- to continue to bring home straight A's in school. I took over the household, cleaning, washing clothes. My dad would disappear on the weekends and pawn me off on whatever relative felt like putting up with me for a few days. My nerves were shot and eating just plain made me physically ill, so I only ate when I absolutely had to. After several years of this it got so easy, it was like second nature. I had trained my body to exist on little more than milk and air with the occassional veggie. My stomach was so small that eating a large apple would make me feel like I would burst. My graduating year in high school I was 5'3" and I weighed the whole amount of 90 lbs soaking wet. I had no boobs and no hips and no waist, but I also had no stomach and jiggling thighs either.

I was fine for the longest time after meeting my husband. I started eating, I gained a few pounds. I got pregnant with our first child at the age of 21, gained like 60 lbs and was MISERABLE. By my fourth month I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror. Aftering having my daughter I quickly lost back down to about 100 lbs, but that was keeping an extra 10 lbs from the pregnancy. Fast forward to age 26 and I find myself not only working full time at a desk-job where I already have a hard time not snacking all the time, but I'm pregnant again. I was super-careful this time, keeping an eye on my sweets intake and exercising. I only packed on 40 lbs that time. Two months after delivery and I was weighing in at 110 lbs-another 10 lbs packed on. At the age of 30 I find myself jobless and once again pregnant. I was super sick the first five months and didn't gain a pound, and I wasn't complaining. Unfortunately, I gained 40 lbs this time around. Two years later I am tipping the scales at a disgusting 122 lbs and have a horrid fat roll around my stomach and jelly-jiggling thighs. My ass is heading south and so are my boobs, right along with what little bit of self-esteem I had.

Well, beginning the day after Christmas all bets for my health are off. I don't think I'm eating 1000 calories as it is, but my body has gotten use to it so I'm not losing weight. It's time to kick my ass into high gear and shed these last 35 lbs that have stuck around for so long. So get ready for it, here is my own personal struggles with the food demons.

Some Thin Links